Indifference

Indifference
I don't understand why I'm still so stupid for you. I mean my life would be so much more positive if you just weren't in it. I don't understand why I'm so attracted to someone like you.

-huge ego
-selfish
-immature
-always puts up a front
-stubborn
-does not know the meaning of humility
-short tempered

The list goes on and on. But part of falling in love with you was accepting these faults of yours and loving you anyways. But now these are the things that are helping me get over you. There is a thin line between love and hate. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. I just need to stop caring. Stop caring about what the fuck you do with your life, stop caring about how you treat the people that look up to you like they are below you, stop caring about how or why you send so many mixed messages, stop caring about who you date, stop caring about how much of an ass you are, and stop caring about how you treated me - how you treated us; in the past.
I don't want to erase you from my memories because through everything, even if you have caused some of the worst moments of my life- I was still happy because you were in my life. I don't know if I was just stupid or just head over heels. Every time you did something to hurt me, my self worth went down. But I'm happy now because I realize my self worth. I'm not bitter towards you or what happened. Whenever I think about us now I can smile and remember all the sweet things you did and all the great moments we had. You were a big part of my life and I'm glad. But now it's time to move on. I'm still taking the time to get over you, but soon I'll be able to look at you and smile without feeling resentment, sadness, or anger towards you. I won't have to put up a front of being happy without you because I really will be. I won't have pretty myself up whenever I think I might see you because I will no longer feel the need to impress you. I won't be here for you on every whim because the truth is I will no longer care for you the way I still do. You will be just a regular person in my life. Not a best friend, not a close friend, just a friend. You won't be important to me anymore and that's what you chose when you told me I'm no longer special to you. Everything will come in time but for now I just need to be strong for myself.