Truth Hurts

I know you aren't the type of person to come out and just say things straight up - but I am. It's weird how I didn't do that with you though. I didn't ask questions, I didn't say what was on my mind, I didn't do anything that would interrupt our "go with the flow" kind of deal. And yes, I know, it's surprising. For all of you who know me, know me as the kind of person that would just say whats on my mind and ask questions if I really wanted to know the answer no matter how much discomfort it would bring me or other parties involved. I'm the type of person that would just say things straight up or just "tell it like it is".

With you though, it was different. It scared me- and still does. Only one other person has had that effect on me before and for you to have this weird control over me scares the shit out of me. I never asked that one question that was always at the back of my head. I never questioned your actions. I never told you how I felt- but I should have.

After that one night I crashed at your place I should have asked
"What was that?"
"We aren't even that close of friends- why would you do that for me?"
"You know, I kinda like you..."

I know you had other shit going on and just didn't want to acknowledge anything that was going on, but I still should have anyways. Of course the answers to my questions could have been
"It was nothing."
"I do it for all my friends"
"I'm sorry - I don't feel the same way."
But at least I would have answers instead of asking myself all these "what if's?"
I hate that I didn't confirm where you stood when I had the chance.

Instead I went to Vegas and decided to just forget all about you. I didn't want to deal with never knowing where you stood when I clearly had these feelings for you. I knew I would just get hurt in the end and that's the real reason I went MIA and stopped all contact with you- not because I was choked about finding out about my adoption or because when I came back from Vegas "I thought everyone in Vancouver was wack".

Then 6months later, it all started out with a simple text. That eventually led to chilling like we used to, which of course led to the resurfacing of certain feelings I thought were long gone.

If you're reading this you might be asking, "why is she writing about this shit now?" It might seem odd that I took the time to write this lengthy blog about you but I never got the chance to tell you straight up that..

"Hey, I really like you."

Better late than never right? With all the shit that went down during the past couple of days and with certain people not allowing me to chill with you anymore- I had to get this off my chest.
Because I'm the type of person who tells the truth; even if it hurts.

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