Heartbreaks

You know there is really no easy way to deal with a break up. Victor and I broke it off last night...I swear like 20 people text me today and asked because I changed my facebook status to single. I haven't talked to Victor since and I feel so stupid for missing him. I feel stupid for checking my phone knowing that he isn't going to call. We broke up on the simple fact that we just don't have time for each other. I mean we would be lucky if we saw each other 3 times in one week. There has been something wrong with our relationship and we both just pretended that it was okay. I guess both of us just thought we would become less busy sooner or later but the thing is we got even busier. For me it just seemed like our relationship became less and less important. I never thought three years could make such a difference. I mean him being 19 of course he is going to have shows in clubs and what not. I support him its just that maybe once in a while he can come home after a show and hang out with me? Instead of partying at the club. Maybe thats just too much to ask and I'm just high maintenance. At Driven to Perform he left to go to some party and didn't even watch Elktrik perform and finally gain a victory over XSS. It was really important to me and he ditched me to go to some lame party. Yeah he asked if I wanted him to stay but I mean I want him to stay because he WANTS to not because I'm forcing or asking him to. Just like last night, he had another show and I asked him if he was doing anything after because I haven't talked to him for so long. He said he was going to a pub and again he asked me if I didn't want him to go. Of course I didn't want him to go but I said "Sure, have fun!" He wanted to go to the pub. I was hurt because we haven't seen or talked to each other for maybe 2 weeks and haven't had alone time in 2MONTHS. I called him back to talk about where our relationship was going and did he even still want to be in a relationship anymore. And what do you know in the middle of talking about our relationship he says he has to head off to the pub. I guess going to the pub is more important than dealing with our relationship. I hate to put him on blast but that hurt me a lot. I don't know, I guess for the both of us it's not the best time to be in a relationship because we're so busy. With his dance career taking off it just feels like I'm being left behind. I just don't want to cling on like that and I just broke it off right then and there. It's like a person having a pet when they are never home to take care of it - whats the point?

I don't want to be som stupid highschool girlfriend he has always worrying when he goes to clubs and staying up till 4am in the morning waiting for him to call- It's not fair. I have exams, dance, and everything else. I just hate having to deal with everything. I mean I got hurt so much when I was with him and now I'm hurting even more because I'm not with him. Funny how things work out like that. I feel stupid for crying - FOR EVERYTHING. I don't want to go all cheesy saying that he was the only one for me...I can't live without him BLAHBLAHBLAH.
Because the truth is that I CAN live without him, it's just hard and I don't think my heart will heal for a long time. He's been such a big part of my life and now that he's not in it anymore...it feels like a huge chunk is missing. I'm just scared I'll never get over this. I mean maybe we'll get back together later on...BUT will it ever be the same?Are WE going to be the same? Will our relationship change for the better? All I know is that I need to stop checking my phone to see if he called, I need to stop checking my facebook/myspace/email to see if he msged me, I need to stop checking if he text me, and I definately need to STOP thinking that he will change just for me. Because theres a chance that he won't and I don't need to get hurt again.