Yes the title pretty much explains it all in a nutshell. The long weekend has literally been a roller coaster of pies. hahaha. The pie party on Monday night was very sticky and barf smelling but so worth it! We went all out and geared ourselves out in garbage bags and were equiped with some pie and a whole lotta whipped cream. It went down in the park near Jon's house and the pie fight lasted about all of 2 minutes but damn that was a satisfying 2 minutes. We booked it back to Jon's house leaving the park in a complete mess. I haven't done any thing so fun being sober in such a long time. After running back to Jon's we all smelled like barf and were all grossly sticky. Most of us showers..some of us didn't *ahem stacy*. She was "disgusts" man HAHA! So yeah I'm pretty sure team ODDS kicks team EVEN's ass. I came home and my mom was pretty pissed, she still is. I hate it when my mom is angry with me. There is so much negative energy in my house.
Before the pie party me stacy and alexis were all pretty much having a cry fest. It was pretty "deps." I can't believe we're all pretty much in the same situation. It's so comforting to know that we all know how each other feels though. I don't think I can get through all of this alone. I pretty much just kept myself busy for the past few days just to keep my mind off everything. But the minute I get home my mind starts to wander and then I just start to feel so low. I seriously don't know what to do. There is this part of me that feels you just lied because you just didn't want to complicate things. But the other part of me feels that you actually really are over everything.
I'm seriously putting my heart on the line here. I'm being completely honest with myself. I haven't been honest with myself for so long now. I'm bearing my soul here and all I want in return is a little honesty. I might have just have made one of the biggest mistake of my life in regards to letting you go. I don't care who knows it. I don't care who knows how much I miss you and how much I'm still in love with you. I'm just sick and tired of lying to everyone and trying to lie to myself. If I can't be honest with myself who can I be honest to. Seriously, even if I've surrounded myself with good people for the past couple of days and just tried to concentrate on dance. Everything reminded me of you. Everything. After everything, it's just so hard to believe that you can just put me off to side and move on with your life. All those letters you wrote. I don't want them anymore because they are pretty much lies written on paper now. I actually believed all the things you said in those letters. It's so hard for me to get over everything and just like that you've moved on. I must be really stupid to let the one person I cared for the most walk out of my life. It's one of the few regrets I have in my life. Now all thats left for me to do is to wake up tomorrow and try to forget about everything we had. I just wish we were on the same page. We could start over. Forget the old us because we're new people now. I don't understand why I just didn't stick it out and try to work things out with you. I admit I gave up because things weren't going the way I wanted them to be. I realized everything too late though. That's too bad because I gave my heart to you and it may take me a really long time to get it back from you. No matter what the situation was between us, deep down I was truly happy. I hope you know I don't regret being with you even if things turned out the way they did. I don't regret giving you my heart and soul and everything I had because at the end of the day I got to see a smile on your face. Sorry for the overload of emotion. I just wanted to be honest, and hopefully you can be honest with me too.
Anyways shout outs to A.P. and S.T. You girls keep my head up and put a smile on my face. We can get through it together. FUCK SURREY BOYS, for real.
No comments:
Post a Comment