Jump

It's been a while since I posted. I've been busy, as usual. Actually busier than usual because of a certain someone...I forget what it's like.

The late night phone calls, late night outs, with an insane schedule, plus stress, stress, and more stress. But for some odd reason you take the risk. The risk of all this stress, the tiredness, and the pain being worth it in the end or not. You follow this hope (even if you think it's pointless, stupid, or crazy) that the good will outweigh the bad. That the the fighting, the tears, the sharp words, the hurt, the jealousy, and the mind games will eventually die down, dry up, not cut as deep as much as before, or hurt as much as before. That the insecurities will weaken and that trust will grow stronger, and that when games are no longer played you hope to just be content, happy, and know for sure that everything was and still is worth it.
You imagine what it would feel like or be like finally reaching that moment of clarity. Where you can just look back and say "damn, we've been through so much and here we are now- Still going strong". Just for this reason alone, you take a blind leap. For the first time in your life you can't predict what will happen in the future. It scares the shit out of you but at the same time gives you this sort of paradoxical feeling of comfort and excitement all at once.
You've always thought that everyone around you and the situations you've surrounded yourself in were so predictable. In fact, so predictable that before you went out for the night you could imagine how the night would turn out and surprise, surprise the night would unravel in this sequential, tedious, and boring routine. Then you realize why that feeling you get of not knowing is so addicting. You've naturalized certain concepts of living life that truly don't blend well with your ideals. And that's exactly what that person is, "ideal". You don't know what it is about this person but if they wanted to jump off a cliff you would probably join in, no questions asked, without even thinking of the risks, consequences, and danger that come along with jumping off thus cliff. So there you are, on the edge, all these questions and doubts floating around in your mind, your heart beating 100000 beats per millisecond, and you are scared shitless of falling too deep, or ending up broken. But all it takes is this look and a small smirk from that person for you to let go of your fear and just...jump.