Thursday, October 14, 2010

Is it possible to have a long lasting relationship without orgasming during sex??

So, instead of studying for my sociology midterm which is in less than an hour I came across a very interesting article on relationships and sex. Before I delve into the possibility of having a HEALTHIER long term relationship without peaking in sexual intercourse I'm going to have to summarize what the effects of having an orgasm has.

Orgasms are usually the end goal in terms of intercourse. But what a lot of people don't know is that having orgasms during sex can actually deteriorate a relationship. When a person falls in love, or two people fall in love with each other they experience a boost in phenylethylamine, oxytocin, and dopamine levels. When we come into close contact with the one we are "in love with" high amounts of dopamine & oxytocin are produced in our bodies. And when we have an orgasm a sort of "super boost" of dopamine levels occur. After experiencing this super boost of dopamine during orgasm the complete opposite occurs after. Dopamine levels rapidly drop after orgasm. This sudden drop in dopamine can cause behavioral imbalances. A partner may show irritability, dissatisfaction, anxiousness, and even depression during this dopamine level drop time period.
The increased levels of dopamine when we are "falling in love" also explains the infamous "honey moon stage" all couples experience. Couples are strongly bonded by parallel increases of dopamine and oxytocin in their system. This results in a couple wanting to have more sex, simply stating. But this leads to immediate rise and fall of dopamine levels which can cause hasty emotional fluctuations in a relationship. A lot of couples start experiencing decreasing interest in their partners and also sex with their partners. In the article it stated that this disinterest might come about because we "subconsciously begin to associate him or her with the “lows” of the cycle [the orgasm cycle], or perhaps because we grow tired of being used as a fix, and therefore feel less attraction".
In contrast to dopamine, there is oxytocin also known as the "cuddle hormone". This hormone counteracts the "emotional roller coaster effects of dopamine" and also leads to strong pair bonding. So the solution to the onset of emotional and behavioral imbalances by dopamine levels is...

Loving sex without orgasm?

Yeah, I know a pretty crazy suggestion. But these facts are empirically tested and proven.
We fall in love with each other through a high amount of oxytocin accompanied by burst of dopamine being released in our system during interaction and sexual encounters. But eventually, oxytocin levels fade and we begin to "fall out of love" and also have difficulty maintaining an exciting and healthy sex life. This is because instead of enjoying the dopamine "peaks" we start experiencing the "lows" after "routine sexual encounters". The dopamine lows start to effect an individual as they begin to see all the faults in their partner previously covered up by high oxytocin levels. This in turn can cause couples to loose interest in sex and withdraw emotionally.

So can couples engage in sexual activity without orgasm and find it satisfying?

I don't know, and the answer to this question has yet to be answered scientifically or sociologically. There are techniques such as "Karezza" or "White Tantra". But you guys will have to look those up on your own! Hope this post bestowed some knowledge to my few readers and encourage some people out there to "experiment" ;) .

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