Have you ever had one of those nights where you just forget what it feels like to just...feel? Where you find out such horrible news like your cousin being diagnosed with cancer. Where you kinda have this weird hunch that you're going to get your heart broken. And when you can just sense that everything from this point on is just going to be so emotionally intensified, draining, and difficult but you just feel numb.
You don't know what to think.
How to act.
What to say.
How to cope.
You can't eat.
You can't sleep.
You can't even cry
and sometimes it feels like you forget how to breathe.
So you just sit in this place, the last place you'd expect to be on a Saturday night looking out this huge hospital window. Not exactly the greatest view with two tall buildings blocking the view of the city. But in between these two buildings you can catch a glimpse of the water and the city lights.
You feel so distant from your lover but can't muster up the courage to say that you don't think you can handle all of this. Then all of a sudden these tears come out of nowhere and start to streak your face. You've done so much thinking that you can't even think anymore and just sit there and cry. The first time you've cried all weekend...
You haven't slept in days, you look a wreck, and so damn exhausted but can't sleep even if you tried. So you just stare out the window and into the distance thinking of nothing at all, feeling nothing at all. Even when you've managed to get a few tears out you still feel numb. Maybe it's the lack of sleep or lack of food. But whatever it is, all you can do is hope it passes. But in the mean time the only thing you do is look out a hospital window and gaze at the city lights..
No comments:
Post a Comment